Whether it’s Sandra Bullock and Jesse James (this year), Jill Scott and John Roberts (last year), your favorite “go-to” couple for a double date (last week), or yourself and your beau (yesterday)—old news or recent, celebrity or dear friends, it all remains the same—breaking up is still one of the hardest things to do.

I’m currently considering a new title regarding breaking-up and the reasons why it’s so difficult. As I’m composing the content and organizing chapter titles, I couldn’t help but to think about how connected each of us are. In some manner we are all sincerely connected to the next person, whether they are family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, females—humans. Being connected is such a natural feeling. Moving closer to another, getting to know someone, becoming personal, even intimate—is a natural feeling. We were all created to be closer.

Imagine the closeness we feel in relationships. Genuine relationships that we’ve made the decision to take to the next level. Imagine the connections built through sharing laughs, inside jokes, secrets, histories, commonalities, treasures—in sharing one another.  It’s amazing that breaking up isn’t harder than it is already. Why do people think it’s so simple to get over him? Move on from her? To say to someone to move on is to say to them to break your connection. It’s not so easy. It’s unnatural. It takes time.

If you find yourself going through an unexpected break-up with someone you truly loved, first take your time to remember the connection, second - understand who you are in connection to your break-up, and finally—replace it!

1.        Remembering the connection helps you to truly understand what it was that brought you two together. What connected you two? Many people will probably tell you to forget [him/her] and move on, but that is not healthy. You were in love and truly connected. Why let that memory  (of what it felt like to BE in love) go. You were happy until you weren’t anymore. Beautiful memories can last a lifetime and should be treasured. But also remember that when it’s truly over…all you should have are memories. Don’t try to force yourself (or your ex, for that matter) to re-live this memory when it’s not there anymore. Simply be thankful that you’ve once experienced this connection.

2.       Understanding the connection means understanding who you are in relation to what happened. Why did this happen to you? What are you supposed to learn? Who do you chose to become in relation to what happened? You may find that you are a lot stronger than what you once believed. You may realize that the ending of this relationship was perhaps the beginning of a new and exciting love story—even if it is to yourself.

3.       Finally, if you truly want to remain friends and you are prepared to move forward, simply replace your connection. In simpler words, “RE-PLACE” or, change the manner in which you are connected. This could be anything from changing where you’ve your connection on your priority list (i.e. spending less time together until you are better able to handle more), changing your perspective  on your relationship (i.e. focus on how your relationship can grow platonically), or replace your connection by opening your world up to new opportunities with others—your ex, excluded.