Surprising Insight: How your co-worker treats you (i.e. speaks to you, acts around you, behaves toward you) has more to do with them that it has ever had to do with you. Their attitude and behavior toward you has more to do with their mood, their life experience, their feelings about themselves, and so many other internal aspects than it has ever had to do with you. They just don't realize it yet.  

 

Tip 1: Stop making it personal. This is work. Unless their criticism has something to do with your job, pay it no mind. Some people are naturally attracted to drama and although it has nothing to do with you, your lifestyle could create the perfect target for them. If your manager appreciates you more, everyone comes to you for feedback, you have more respect in the office, or anything else, this could force someone to resent you because they are not yet there. See, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  

Tip 2: Know who you are. Someone calling you an idiot is no different than someone calling you a furry cat. That's funny, right. You are probably laughing now! You know realistically that you are not a furry cat. Because of this, you would be more prone to laugh it off than to become upset over it. It's no different when someone calls you anything else that you know you do not represent. Laugh that off too...well, unless you are a furry cat.

Tip 3: Ask directly, but genuinely. While the two of you are one on one, ask the question "Is there something that I'm doing, that I don't realize I'm doing, that causes you to respond so negatively towards me?" Most people are not ready for such a direct question--especially not in the workplace. People are more prone to be passive-aggressive because they can be vengeful without the repercussions. This directness will force an immediate response. Remember, the more sincere you are, the more receptive the other person will be. The more aggressive you are, the more defensive the other person will be. When they answer, really listen. It may be the easiest problem to fix. You may have done something in a manner that was offensive, but you never knew. And you'll never know until you ask.  

Tip 4: Build a connection. Find something that they enjoy that you do or can also learn to enjoy. One simple connection will open the doors for the possibility of others. Everyone loves something, even if it’s the simple discussion of their grandchildren, photography hobby, favorite TV show, etc. When you build connections in matters that remind us of our humanity and make us smile, you will find that it is easier to look for connections over more complex things like the next staff meeting. What better person to have as your ally than someone who was your former enemy.