I KEEP trying to tell my girlfriends (who fit this profile) these things...like baggage, unrealistic standards, and not taking care of yourself. They don't want to listn. It means that they have to put in too much work on themselves.

All you will need to do in order to sumit a question is click on the "contact me" page and submit your question there. We are always accepting new questions for our Men of the HEET. I look forward to receiving yours!

i love this advice column. can't wait to see next week's question...

Dear Friends w/No Benefits
I can partially identify with your situation. Sit back this is going to be long.
I too was a single mother in the "dating" game for a long time. You have to be extremely careful of the type of man you let influence your children. If you have a son ask yourself how would you respond to your "baby boy" treating a woman this way. Your son is learning it is ok to dip in and out on your woman. If you have a daughter ask yourself how would you respond to your "baby girl" being treated this way by a man. Your daughter is learning we can have our issues, he can go do his thing, he will be back (with or without baggage). Whether you realize it or not they are learning by watching the two of you. Don't allow behavior in your life that would break your heart if it your children had to experience it.
Your statement of "obviously, we would not have lasted this long if he didn't care for me" is not accurate. It has lasted this long because of what the men have said you are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too. At one time you may have been the main chic. Someone else has come in and taken your title and you have been demoted to side chic, jump off, etc. It is not healthy for you because you do seem to care for him. The longer you stay in this situation you are blocking your opportunity for a true partner. Like I said earlier in my response I can partially identify. I had been in so many unhealthy relationships and little did I know that each one was taking a toll on me emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Once I realized it I made the decision to take a year off from men on every level (I would not even entertain phone conversations). I found out so much about me as a person, as a mother, as a daughter, as a friend that it was life changing. A few months after the end of my year I met a wonderful man that I am with now that accepts me for me and loves and takes care of my 2 children like they are his own. My point is do not be afraid to be ALONE your gold is waiting.

Oooh "frustrated with questions" I think you dated my ex-boyfriend!!!!

The men are all right as long as you allow him to do him without halting consideration to you and/or your feelings that is going to be your story.
I think men learn how to treat women from the men around them that they look up to. They could have the ideal father at home that adores the mother. Then there is Pimp Uncle Frank that comes to the family cookouts or holidays with a different "hot" chick every year and has her running around making his plate and getting him a drink while he is trying to holla at a family friend. The little boy in question grows to be a young man and idolizes Pimp Uncle Frank and how he handles "his business".
Pay attention to their habits up front. Habits such as (1) calling when they say they are going to call (2) not cancelling dates at the last minute (3)not crying broke, but always shoppping (4)not speaking negatively about women from his past
Implement that 90 day rule into your life. Clarity often times can be less tainted if you have not shared the goodness and glory. As women we can make ourselves believe something that is not true if he can put it down right. Just saying!