Mac-2 Says: The best advice is giving him some space; this will allow him to work whatever is bothering him out in his head. When he is ready to discuss his situation he will, and this is the time when you can best support him. A man shutting down and try to find a solution himself has nothing to do with you, it just a way of figuring how to get the weight of the world off his shoulders.

 

Big Rick Says: Being a man, a real man, can be very tough at times. Some of the pressures of life can bring even the strongest of us down. We must portray a feeling that we have everything under control, but in reality, we know there's an issue. When it gets to the point where we're unable to display that "pillar of strength," we just need a little time and space to sort things out. Let me tell you this......through almost 30 years of marriage, I've had many times that I really needed my space to think about things, and I found it extremely difficult to talk to my wife about it. She would always make comments to me that would make me feel worse. However, over time, we began to start talking about "our" issues, in a non-threatening manner, and would be able to find a solution together. When I had problems, it would create problems for her too. If the love is mutual between you and your man, you should be able to let him know that you are there for him. You can best support him by listening first, if he wishes to talk about it. You can also encourage him to talk about it with you by asking questions that demonstrate your true concern. Just continue to show him love, and he'll start opening up to you!

 

Achu Says: I don’t think it’s shutting down; we just need time to think and work things out in our mind sometimes. If you push to get a response, more often than not, we will shut down… Support him by being there when he needs you, and at the point when he figures things out and wants to discuss them with you.

 

ME163 Says:  Give him his space. Most of the time when men shut down it's because women (NOT ALL) tend to be insensitive and judgmental or sometimes just straight up don't understand so they feel as if sharing what they're going through will make no difference anyhow. Just give him his space. Otherwise you're either part of the solution or adding to the problem. If he needs help he'll ask. Or he'll vent when he's ready to vent.

 

Jeremiah Says: Perhaps it’s best to let him find the solution himself, if that’s what he wants. You say you’d like to support him, so focus your energy on supporting him. The reason some men shut down is because post adolescence, a man has an image or standard of who he’s going to be in his mind, and then he may one day, wake up and realize he’s not even close to where he fancied he’d be at this particular stage of his life. Part of this grief may be not being able to provide the quality of life he feels you’re worthy of as well. In this case, what he needs more than anything is your love. Sometimes the best way to show him you love him may be just to give him some space. Be there for him, but don’t smother him. Talk with him, but not about what’s causing him anguish if he doesn’t want to discuss it. If you’re concerned that he may be entering too dark a place, arrange for some quiet quality time with him. He’s surely distracted with wicket thoughts, so take him on a date where he can experience some peace and serenity. (Park, lake-beach, picnic, even a café if he’s that kind of guy) This may put him in the mental space to open up, which is exactly what you want. He needs to speak about his issues on his own accord. He may think he wants to be locked away in the house all day, but sometimes a nice walk or ride on a sunny day might be exactly what he needs to get over the hump. Remember to speak kindly and be thoughtful. If you’re in a rough mood, you may need to take some time to get right before you get together. He’s obviously dealing with enough strain, and doesn’t need you coming around extra irritable. He’s down, so you want to be encouraging, even if it means something as simple as some wine, a back rub, and pleasant conversation away from the drama. His self esteem, towards his masculinity may be at a low for some inadequate reasons when compared to the larger picture. Remind him that despite whatever has him down, he has plenty of attributes that make him great. Keep in mind you are his refuge. Referencing the bible, figuratively, you are his left rib. The primary function of his left rib is to protect his heart. Be careful to listen to his wishes and don’t take is despair personally, as he surely needs your tenderness. You two are responsible for supporting and promoting each other’s well being. 

 

Kenyada Says: In my experience, men shut down in these instances because of a lack of “complete” trust, which is not the same as the regular old trust and is tied to our ego. EXPLANATION: Complete trust exposes everything – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Therefore, willingly granting our women this kind of access is not easy because in most cases it will be used against us. When we choose to expose you to our ugly details, such as the examples you stated in your post, we don’t want to receive “that look” that you women often give when you hear something that does not meet your standards. “That look” doesn’t say, “I will support you.” Instead, it ignites our insecurities, which hide within our ego, and causes us to generate negative assumptions about how you now view us in regards to this ugly situation. At that point, how you continue to respond will determine if things can turn in a positive direction (us opening up more) or continue in the negative direction (us shutting down again). MY POINT: When attempting to support your man, how you start is the most important thing – think of it as another first impression. If you approach him without judgmental eyes and genuine care in the initial phase, so to say, of him letting you in you will become a solid source for his complete trust and this will in turn make him more willing to come to you without hesitation in the future. But remember, once he lets you in you can never use that against him and you should never remind him about his own flaws for he already obviously knows them too well. Again, the best ways to support your man is to start off on the right foot, which means respecting him, his past, and his pains, and listen and tend to him without judgmental eyes and genuine care. Hope this helps.