Just because it is all you've ever known, does not mean it is the only way. It does not mean that it is the best way. As a matter of fact, it doesn't even mean that it is a good way! Remember this forever, Girlfriends.

This is one of those lessons that I've only learned through life experiences. I enjoy using the example of relationships because everyone comes into one at one point or another in their life (whether romantic or platonic). In my romantic relationships, I must admit that I've always been able to disconnect from them once they were over...especially when it was clear that they were over. When the relationship came to an end...I mean, when I really accepted that it was over, I completely shut down, shut the other person out of my life and moved forward as if they never existed to me. This has always been my way of finding recovery and the start to my very own healing process. Even in my last relationship, the day that we agreed to move on separately was the same day that I deleted his number, threw away everything that reminded me of him, and started to find new ways to fill my day. If I was going to take life one day at a time, it was going to be without his involvement. This is all I've ever known to do in order to find healing. In most situations this has worked for me. But I know that it can't work in every situation.

What if my husband , for example, told me that he wanted to separate? What if he needed some space? Would shutting down and shutting him out be the best solution? Would moving on even be the right thing to do? What if the solution (this time) were to simply give him the space that he needed in order to figure things out? Just because shutting down, shutting the other person out and moving on is all I've ever known, it does not mean that it is the only way of handling this situation. It does not mean that it is the best way of handling this situation. It does not even mean that this is a good way of handling this situation.

What comes naturally to us (although the easiest) is not always best. Times change, situations evolve, and so should the way we make our decisions. Just because something feels natural to do, does not make it right. Just because it feels natural to quit your job in order to chase your dreams feels like the best thing to do right now, perhaps going without a job at this period in your life may not be best. What worked for you at sixteen may not work for you at twenty-six or even thirty-six. Doing what you've always done will most likely get you what you've always gotten.

If I were to do now what I've always done in past relationships to my husband, I'll get what I've always gotten-disconnection. And that is not what I'm seeking. It may seem like the easiest way, but it will not produce the easiest outcomes. Sometimes you have to make the higher decision which could mean deciding differently now since you are at a different period in your life. When you are making controversial life decisions, Girlfriends, you've got to thing higher, think wider. Don't do what you've always known unless you want to receive what you already have.